The fairy tale of every classic Disney film is the princess and prince charming to live happily ever after.
Walt Disney was great at selling the fantasy everybody wants!
However, how many people get the happy marriage? Most people understand how to have a great career, money, great body, etc…even if they don’t put in the work to achieve those things, they still understand how to achieve those things.
But when it comes to marriage and relationships seems very hard to measure.
Will Smith at the Nickelodeon’s Kids Choice Awards said: There have been millions and gazillions of people who have lived before us and there is no new problem that someone has not written the solution down in a book.
No matter what issues you face in your life there is someone whom you can learn from that has figured out the solution.
As we have stated before the average millionaire spend 60 min. each and every educating themselves of business and financial material which agrees with what the bible says at Joshua 1:8 This book of the Law should not depart from your mouth,+ and you must read it in an undertone* day and night, in order to observe carefully all that is written in it;+ for then your way will be successful and then you will act wisely.
So if we want to get in shape we should spend 60 min. each and every day educating on fitness and diet material.
If we want to have a great marriage we should spend 60 min. each and every day educating ourselves on the subject.
In 2012, my wife kicked me out, so I decided this is an area of my life that I wanted to figure out.
I spent the 60 min. each and every day educating myself on the subject and so as a shortcut I will share with you what I learned from the experts.
My back ground is a business consultant working with the ultra rich however, most people go into a marriage trying to figure it out as they go along which is also how most people go into business. They try to figure it out as they go along however, successful people have a plan of action they know what will make them successful.
Over the years the government has used a portion of your tax dollar trying to figure out what all successful people have in common. So the savvy business person does not try to figure it out on their own they follow a proven path to success in other words they follow a business plan.
Instead of trying to figure it out the government has been billions of dollars in research of your tax dollars of what all successful marriages have in common in which you can follow this plan like a business plan until these principles become habits.
There was an article on buzz feed .com http://www.buzzfeed.com/annanorth/divorce-author-i-think-17-of-marriages-are-happ that showed only 17% of married couple are happy but there are things you can do personally to make sure you have a 98% percent chance that your marriage will be happy.
1) People are getting married later in life. The median age of those married for the first time is currently 28.3 for men and 25.8 for women (National Health Statistics Report, 2012). Compare this to the numbers from 1960, when the median age was 23 for men and 20 for women (The State of Our Unions 1999, 10)
2) Couples who cohabit have a 46% greater risk of divorce than couples who do not live together before marriage (Marriage and the Family in the United States: Resources for Society, 10). Those who cohabit without a prior commitment to marriage are especially at risk if they eventually decide to marry. (see Dr. Scott Stanley, “Sliding vs Deciding” blog)
3) Premarital childbearing and pregnancy. Pregnancy and childbearing prior to marriage significantly increase the likelihood of future divorce. In America, more than one-third (37%) of children are born to parents who are not married, and few of these parents eventually marry. Most of those parents will separate before the child begins school, and some will never really get together. Fortunately, Utah’s rate of unwed births is one of the lowest in the nation.
4) Parents’ divorce. Of course, some risk factors for divorce you can’t control. If you experienced the divorce of your parents, unfortunately, that doubles your risk for divorce. And if your spouse also experienced his or her parents’ divorce, then your risk for divorce more than triples. This is scary, but it doesn’t doom your marriage to failure. It does suggest that individuals who experienced the divorce of their parents need to work even harder to make good marriage choices and to keep their marriage strong and happy.
5) Research shows if you get married after age 27 you have a 57% you will stay married
So as you can see there are things you can do to increase your chances you will not get a divorce, however, just because you don’t get a divorce does not mean you will have a happy marriage.
1) Less education. Researchers have estimated that individuals who have some college education (vs. not finishing high school) have a lower chance of divorce. Utahns are more likely to graduate from high school and get some college education than Americans in general.
Apparently, investing in education is a good way to build a foundation for a better marriage, not just a better job even if you are currently married.
2) Less income. Closely related to education is income. Researchers have estimated that individuals with annual incomes of more than $50,000 have a lower chance of divorce (compared to individuals with annual incomes less than $25,000). Finances can be stressful. Apparently having at least a modest income can help couples avoid stresses that can lead to divorce.
3) Religious affiliation. Researchers have estimated that individuals who report belonging to some religious group have a somewhat lower chance of divorce than those who say they have no religious affiliation. If couples share the same religious affiliation, their chances of divorce are even lower.
The research shows only about 17% of marriages are happy that is a huge drop from what it was in 1960.
Jenna McCarthy did some research to find out what that 17 % of have in common.
1) The happiest couples do not point out the failures of their mate.
2) Men are willing to do house work however, another study published shows when men do the typical women household chores this can cause frustration in the marriage.
3) Tell each other “I love you 5x a week”
4) Kiss 6x a day, marriage researcher John Gottman recommends 6 second Kiss every day
5) Dr. Paul Zak suggests hugging 8x a day
6) Watching romantic comedies cause dissatisfaction in the marriage
7) The happiest marriages the wife weight 25 lbs. less than her husband.
8) Research published in Social Psychological and Personal Science shows the happiest marriage have sex with each other once a week.
9) Research shows for every $5,000 out-earn her husband this increases your chance of divorce by 5%.
There are other factors that add to the happiness in a marriage that are not measurable such as taking the lead, good communication, etc…however, if you would like more details on this check out the “Alpha Husband Academy”.
Divorce Proof your Marriage
The Gottman Insitute has studied marriaged couple for over 30 years which can pin point with 94% accuracy of wheather a couple will stay married by the couples fighting style. “Do you fight fair? and or do you consider yourself superior to your mate? Check out the Gottman Institute for this 8 point check off list.
Fawn Weaver After interviewing 10,000 couples in 110 countries around the world, bestselling author of “Happy Wives Club” Fawn Weaver has identified six practices that happy partners have in common. Some you might not expect.
1. Put Marriage Before Children
“This is controversial but it was a common denominator among these couples,” said Weaver. “According to them, it was just common sense,” adding that as children leave for college and to begin a family of their own, parents risk being left with an emptied nest akin to “an overdrawn bank account.”
2. If the Bond is Solid, Sex will Follow
According to Weaver, the topic of sex only came up once in passing during her myriad interviews with international couples. “We place a lot of stock in this one thing but these couples made it clear if you take care of the relationship, this will take care of itself.
3. Spirituality Can Be a Stabilizer
While, “the couples may not have all agreed on who or what they believe God to be, all believed in a higher power,” said Weaver. “They had a healthy fear of disappointing that higher power in relation to their spouses.” Similarly, a 2001 report in the Journal of Family Psychology found that in 120 couples studied, celebrating religious holidays together had helped to cement and re-establish their beliefs over the years and further bonded their marriages.
4. Rituals Enhance Romance
From coffee together in the morning to a cocktail every night before dinner, each of the couples interviewed maintained a ritual for decades. “[This is] something that is just for the two of them and they maintain it every day.
5. Divorce is Not an Option
Or, as Weaver puts it, “there was no Plan B. Each couple decided at the outset that they would subtract divorce from the equation,” she said. “This led to a much greater level of patience with each other.”
6. Aretha Had it Right
The number one answer to a happy marriage, according to Weaver’s survey, is “mutual respect,”
Re-spark the Romance
1) More than eight in ten (83%) of those who travel as a couple say the romance is still alive in their relationship. Fully seven in ten (72%) of the couples surveyed believe traveling inspires romance.
2) Nearly two in three couples (65%) say being romantic is an important reason to travel with their partner.
3) Three-quarters (77%) of respondents who travel as a couple say that they have a good sex life, compared to 63% of couples who do not travel together.
4) More than one in every four couples (28%) say their sex life improved after traveling together – and of those, 40% say sex together is permanently better after travel.
5) A strong majority (59%) of couples participating in the survey say that being more intimate is an important reason to vacation together.
6) Among couples that did not take a trip together in the past year, nearly one in four (23%) say they “do not have enough time for intimacy and sex.”
In an effort to re-spark the romance in your marriage I want to bribe you into getting started with what we call as our “Endless Honeymoon”.