Month: September 2023

Introduction

You know, relationships are a lot like my twisted sense of humor - they can be a wild ride. So, let's talk about something a bit more relatable than spandex and swords, shall we? Relationships!

Now, I know what you're thinking. You've probably picked up a thing or two about relationships from dear old mom and dad. Maybe some good, maybe some... not so good. It's like inheriting your parents' love legacy. But hey, being in a long-term relationship or a marriage? That's a skill, my friends.

First things first, romance. It's that warm, fuzzy feeling that makes your heart race faster than a chimichanga. Some folks think that romance should just happen naturally, like mutant powers. But trust me, waiting for your partner to magically turn into a romance superhero isn't gonna cut it.

Men, listen up. We're not all smooth-talking, chivalrous knights in shining armor. But guess what? We can develop the habit of being spontaneous and romantic. Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither is a romantic superhero. Practice makes perfect, folks.

Now, here's where it gets juicy. Expectations, my favorite subject. Some people expect their partner to be a mind reader, to think and act just like them. Newsflash, that's a recipe for disaster! You can't expect your lover to be a clone of yourself, unless you're into some serious sci-fi stuff.

So, the government, in all its bureaucratic wisdom, decided to spend your hard-earned tax dollars on researching what makes couples tick. Buzzfeed.com http://www.buzzfeed.com/annanorth/divorce-author-i-think-17-of-marriages-are-happ  published a study that found out that a whopping 50% of marriages hit the skids, 17% are happy, and the rest fall somewhere in between.

But here's the good news, amigos. There are things you can do to tilt the odds in your favor. You can increase your chances of having a marriage that's happier than a unicorn riding a rainbow.

Now, let's get down to business. Most marriages these days don't end up riding off into the sunset together; they crash and burn like a superhero landing gone wrong. But fear not, there's hope on the horizon. I've got a few pearls of wisdom to share.

We're gonna break this down into three easy-to-swallow pills: Before You Get Married, During The Marriage, and How to Re-spark the Romance. We even threw in a checklist and action plans to help you turn these principles into habits. Remember, just like starting a business, relationships need some groundwork too.

So, whether you're donning a spandex suit or a tuxedo, remember this: Love is a battlefield, and it's okay to seek some guidance to keep the flames of passion burning. So go ahead, invest in your relationship. It might not come with guarantees, but trust me, it's worth every chimichanga you can spare. Relationships, much like life, are a wild, unpredictable ride. So hold on tight and let's dive into the wonderful world of love.

Before Marriage

1) Today, people are getting married later in life.  The average age of those married for the first time is currently 28 for men and 25 for women. (National Health Statistics Report, 2012) Compare this to the numbers from 1960 when the median age was 23 for men and 20 for women.

2) Couples who live together before marriage have a 46% greater risk of divorce than couples who do not live together before marriage (Marriage and the Family in the United States: Resources for Society, 10).  Those who live together without a prior commitment to marriage are especially at risk if they eventually decide to marry. (see Dr. Scott Stanley, “Sliding vs Deciding” blog)

3) Pregnancy and childbearing prior to marriage significantly increase the likelihood of future divorce. In America, more than one-third (37%) of children are born to parents who are not married and few of these parents eventually marry.  Most of those parents will separate before the child even begins school and some will never marry at all.

4) Parents divorce. Of course, some risk factors for divorce are not in your control. If you experienced the divorce of your parents, unfortunately, that doubles your risk for divorce. And if your spouse also experienced his or her parents’ divorce, then your risk for divorce more than triples. This is scary, but it doesn’t doom your marriage to failure. It does suggest that individuals who experienced the divorce of their parents need to work even harder to make good marriage choices and to keep their marriage strong and happy.

5) Alcoholic parents creates narcissistic children in adulthood. nearly 60% of all marriages to narcissists – male or female – end in divorce.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/8351292/

6) Research shows if you get married after age 27 you have a 57% chance you will stay married however, studies have show that couples with a age gap fo 10+ years tend to be happier.

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1111/j.1471-6402.2007.00408.x

7 Few sexual partners before marriage results in happier marriages for both men and women. Sex before marriage increases your odds of divorce however, women who have multiple sexual partners have an increased odds of divorce because of the impact this has on our brain chemicals that impact the connect to their husband.

8. Income as a couples’ incomes increase, divorce rates tend to decrease—but only to a certain point. Once a couple has a household income of around $200,000, divorce rates remain steady at around 30%. The rate of divorce does not decline again until household income reaches $600,000, at which point it drops closer to 25%. However, once income exceeds $600,000, the rate of divorce once again begins to steadily climb back up to 30%.^[18]

This suggests that increasing income can reduce the risk of divorce, but once income climbs too high, a different set of complications can threaten the stability of a marriage.

9. International Dating, I have seen studies that show finding a wife through international dating has a 50% lower chance of divorce than the average American couple. (The average marriage in America last 7 years, compared that with Italy with the average marriage lasting 18 years.)

If the couple stays in the country of the woman's origin, this increases the chances that the couple will stay married because, America has a culture of divorce.

As you can see, there are things you can do to increase your chances you will not get a divorce, however, just because you don’t get a divorce does not mean you will have a happy marriage. 

In fact, divorce lawyer, James Sexton tells us in the following video along with Lewis Howes, that couples could benefit from having a consultation with a divorce attorney before marriage.  This is to make them aware of what they’re getting themselves into and to consider things you probably have not thought about yet. Such as: What are her values, what are your values? 

ATTENTION! The following video is provided by a 3rd party vender. If the video is no longer available it is because the owner of the video or Youtube removed the video from their servers. we apologize for any inconvenience.

During Marriage

The research shows only about 17% of marriages are happy which is a significant drop from what it was in 1960. Jenna McCarthy did some research to find out what that 17 % of couples have in common.

1) The happiest couples do not point out the failures of their mate.
2) Men are willing to do housework however, another study published shows when men do the typical women household chores this can make the men seem less attractive to the wife.
3) Tell each other “I love you 5 times a week”
4) Kiss 6 times a day.  Marriage researcher John Gottman recommends the 6-second kiss every day
5) Dr. Paul Zak suggests hugging 8 times a day.
6) Watching romantic comedies cause dissatisfaction in the marriage.
7) The happiest marriages are when the wife weighs 25 lbs less than her husband.
8) Research published in “Social Psychological and Personal Science” shows the happiest marriages have sex with each other once a week.
9) Research shows for every $5,000 that a wife out-earns her husband, the chance of you divorcing increases by 5%.
10) Dr. Jordan Peterson said that “the happiest marriages spend about 90 minutes a week talking about their problems and other important family issues.”

ATTENTION! The following video is provided by a 3rd party vender. If the video is no longer available it is because the owner of the video or Youtube removed the video from their servers. we apologize for any inconvenience.

ATTENTION! The following video is provided by a 3rd party vender. If the video is no longer available it is because the owner of the video or Youtube removed the video from their servers. we apologize for any inconvenience.

There areThere are other factors that add to the happiness in a marriage that are not measurable such as taking the lead and good communication. So we encourage you to download our workbook and action plans.  For more details on this, go to >>

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Divorce-Proof Your Marriage

The Gottman Institute has studied married couples for over 30 years and have been able to pinpoint with 94% accuracy of whether a couple will stay married by the couples fighting style. Do you fight fair and/or do you consider yourself superior to your mate? Check out the Gottman Institute for this 8 point checklist.

After interviewing 10,000 couples in 110 countries around the world, documented in her best selling book “Happy Wives Club“, that there are six practices that happy couple have in common.

1. Put Marriage Before Children

“This is controversial but it was a common denominator among these couples,”. If you put your children before your mate, your mate begins to resent you and thus the marriage begins to break down. However, if you put your children in the proper place the whole family is happy.

2. If the Bond is Solid, Sex will Follow

If you take care of the relationship, this will take care of itself.

Divorce Lawyer James Sexton said of dealing with his clients that sex is the glue that keeps coupes together. Once couples stop having sex the relationship falls apart.

3. Spirituality Can Be a Stabilizer

“While the couples may not have all agreed on who or what they believe God to be, all believed in a higher power,”. “They had a healthy fear of disappointing that higher power in relation to their spouses.” Similarly, a 2001 report in the Journal of Family Psychology,found that in 120 couples studied, celebrating religious holidays together had helped to cement and re-establish their beliefs over the years and further bonded their marriages.

4. Rituals Enhance Romance

From coffee together in the morning to a cocktail every night before dinner, each of the couples interviewed kept a ritual for decades. “[This is] something that is just for the two of them and they maintain it every day.”

5. Divorce is Not an Option

Or, as Weaver puts it, “there was no Plan B. Each couple decided at the outset that they would subtract divorce from the equation,” she said. “This led to a much greater level of patience with each other.“

6. Respect

The number one answer to a happy marriage, is “mutual respect.“

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Re-spark the Romance

1) More than eight in ten, 83%, of those who travel as a couple say the romance is still alive in their relationship. Fully seven in ten, 72%, of the couples surveyed believe traveling inspires romance.

2) Nearly two in three couples, 65%, say being romantic is an important reason to travel with their partner.

3) Just over three-quarters, 77%, of respondents who travel as a couple say that they have a good sex life, compared to 63% of couples who do not travel together.

4) More than one in every four couples, 28%, say their sex life improved after traveling together – and of those, 40%, say sex together is permanently better after travel.

5) A strong majority, 59%, of couples participating in the survey say that being more intimate is an important reason to vacation together.

6) Among couples that did not take a trip together in the past year, nearly one in four, 23%, say they do not have enough time for intimacy and sex.

In an effort to re-spark the romance in your marriage, I invite you to get started with what we call our “Endless Honeymoon” package.  Travel can be affordable and rewarding on many levels.  You won’t regret it.