How Your Childhood Is Sabotaging Your Life Today And What To Do About It!
As Napolean Hill classic writings show because of our insecurities there are 6 things that cause us to self sabotage ourselves which is how you deal with the threat of stress and anxiety.
Some people seem to be predisposed to wealth because of their envirement however, others like you and me have to cultivate them.
There is a biochemistry of success.
When something bad happens to you your mind and body keeps a record of it an creates an algorithm which creates a pattern of self-sabotage.
When we fail the body starts producing the hormones of stress, if we stay in that state of mind long enough then failing becomes a habit in which more bad things are more likely to happen to us thus, creating the hormones of stress. Cortisol is just one of the hormones of stress. Cortisol is known by scientist as the death hormone because it leads to so many life threating illnesses.
In Dr. Jordan Peterson book the “12 Rules For Life” in which he explains when you are successful the brain produces a chemical called “Serotonin” which is also called the happiness hormone and the more you succeed the more Serotonin the body produces, however, once successful does not always mean you will remain successful because once you have a traumatic failure you body produces another chemical that you may never recover from unless you understand how to hack your behaviors.
Our insecurities often come from childhood wounds. These insecurities often feel like a threat to your physical safety, resources, reputation, connection, love, respect, career stats , or self image.
Often people want success but they fear success because it conflicts with the image you have for yourself.
Old wounding such as shame, and fear will make the risk seem far higher than the reality and so anxiety kicks in. Your subconscious create behaviors that are mini stress breaks.
Instead of trying to eliminate the pressure you feel from your emotions, and trying to mimic certain behaviors you want to train your nervous system to cope with the threat and anxiety.
This wounding starts early in life. Children need a balance of a feminine, nurturing mother, and a masculine male role model if they are to be raised properly.
There are a flood of men that have been raised either no, or a lack of masculine role models. I was raised to feel loved by bother my mother and father however, my father did not teach me the qualities of being a man.
I constantly try to reassure my father that he did the best he could for who he was at the time. My marriage ended in divorce because of not learning the skills of being a man however, instead of making the excusing and blaming my parents it is my responsibility to learn the skills of being a man.
When children experience abuse, trauma, or other events that may not be any of the parents fault but imprints fear into the child nervous system. They end up feeling hyper-vulnerable, abandoned, alone, invalidated, and not protected from the parent.
These are not conscius thoughts but rather subconscious feelings and emotions.
Children are naturally egocentric, they come irrationally reason these disconnected events as their fault. When these bad things happen it must be the results of the child doing something wrong.
The child then bring the belief into adulthood that their lack of attention must be their fault. The displeasure or disinterest in them will ineveritable lead to feeling rejected, lonely or abandoned.
Tragically, this mindset leads the child to believe it is he who must change in order to avoid others displeasure and it consequences.
Also see the article: The Curse Of The Wealthy” at alphalifestyleacademy.com
Your nervous system sometimes responds to adult stimuli such as someone being displeased with as if you were still a child. It implies your sense of threat, increasing your defenseless, feelings of hurt, impulse to withdraw, or impulse to smooth over everything. Despite your best intensions you respond from a wounded place rather than from a state of control.
This compulsion to avoid other displeasure gets burned into the nervous system, surviving into adulthood. When your adult self feels threat, your nervous system can still unconsciously behave as a child.
Because of your fear of displeasing others, this usually manifest in adults as something known as “Approval Seeking” .
Approval seeking behavior falls under the big 5 trait of agreeableness. Agreeable people do not do very well in life not only in finances but in life because they are unwilling to fight in their own behalf.
The first step is to become aware and try to catch yourself being a little too friendly in order to get something out of the other.
In myself I have noticed a burst of energy where I feel excited where being overly friendly is probably how I deal with the burst of energy.
When you notice this, take a second to be in the present with a practice we call mindfulness to calm the nervous system down. (Which we’ll address further in our upcoming modules)
The more you do this the more it will become part of you.
When you become triggered because of fear of disapproval or abandonment, anxiety kicks in and usually causes muscle clenching, constrictied breathing, diminished awareness, and compromised brain function.
You don’t process what others are saying quite as clearly. You seem to been in a fog, perhaps diminished eyes slight. Images do not seem as clear. You are not quite as present in this moment.
Imagine a time when you got a little tongue tied. Once you said something awkward, it got worse. Sound familiar? You were experiencing a sense of threat.
Anxiety often operates in the background, subtly influencing your behavior.
The most elite organizations train their people nervous system, from NBA, Navy Seals, and elite business organizations. They train the nervous system to handle the intensity that comes with threat and anxiety.
In the article “The Good Life, Health, Wealth, Happiness, And Success” found at alphalifestyleacademy.com explains that getting our physical, mental, and emotional health in check will lead to getting our money right, which will lead to getting our marriage and relationship right, which will lead to getting our life right!
If you understand your emotions and are not ruled by them you will be less reactive and more likely to get in control.
